Thursday, January 21, 2010
Bro-Namath Throws it Deep
Story time! I was hanging out at a bar on Sunday night with a friend to celebrate the return to NYC. Later in the night, he sees a girl (whom he thinks.....has a good personality). He approaches (with author's commentary):
1. "You are absolutely gorgeous," he says courageously.
Now, it must be noted that he is a good-looking dude, but only serial-killers use that line right off the bat. It gets worse:
2. "And I'll keep the charm up all night if YOU buy ME a drink."
What!?!? How can he have that much confidence? If that was me, I would currently be asking her major, and listening while she tells me about how "Fashion" is not about looking good, but about interpreting the frailty of the human condition through designer dresses. SO INTERESTING! YOU WATCH PROJECT RUNWAY TOO! OMG!!!!!11!
Just then, the hideously mean/hunchbacked best friend of the girl approaches. "That is not how it is done," shy says Scroogily. My friend rebounds like Wilt Chamberlain (not in the sense of basketball, but in the sense of the 20,000 women he reportedly bedded):
3. "I am just trying to empower [insert name of sorority girl here] and treat her like an independent woman."
He drops-back....throws the Hail-Mary....there is a receiver open down the field....TOUCHDOWN! Nice recovery, Bro-Namath.
At this point, my friend sees the light. Not figuratively, but literally. As in someone flips open a cell-phone, and he sees that in addition to being shallow and vain (I omitted details of her saying very rude things to strangers), the girl makes Rosie O'Donnell look like Hilary Clinton (Um.....I have a thing for pants-suits). So as she continues to be mean for no reason at all, he goes up to the bartender and gets a drink. She attacks the cup like a dehydrated Irishman:
"This is just water," she hisses.
"Yep," he says. And not to be rude (he really is a good guy), he continues, "If you keep talking to me, I'll buy you something stronger."
She leaves quicker than the RoadRunner, leaving a puff of mascara and blue-eyeshadow in her wake. Later in the night, he finds out that she has a boyfriend anyway, and she was leading him on to get a drink. My friend: hydrating drunk girls with boyfriends since 2010.
Anyway, the first week in the city is always tough athletically. I love meeting new people and starting new classes. But in the past month at home, my most advanced social interaction was with cows (they don't tip themselves, you know). On top of that, just the act of walking everywhere leaves my legs slightly tired (IT IS SO HARD BEING ME!). So I have made a conscious effort to ease into training this week, with purely aerobic runs/bikes to keep from going insane. Tonight, there is a race at the Armory Indoor Track, and I think I will try to get a quick blow-out 3k to jump-start the semester of training.
Couple quick notes:
-Received a Cornell acceptance on Tuesday! Ithaca is Gorges, I hear.......adfdfadkjfafasdfhasldh (brain hemorrages from terrible pun)
-Last, happy birthday to my friend Tom! He reads the blog (along with my mom!) and is (surprisingly) an outstanding person.
Sunday: 8 miles easy
Monday: 90 minutes trainer with 6 miles easy
Tuesday: 6 miles easy
Wednesday: 9 miles easy