Monday, January 4, 2010
JPEG Masterpiece Theatre
Yesterday was a slightly serious post. Thus, by blog-rules, today must be a completely unrelated non-sequituer designed with the sole purpose of making you laugh. I literally have no idea what the point of this post is. It's like a James Joyce novel, or the Republican party.
1. First, we have a piece combining my two favorite things, pandas and gratuitous violence. The World Wildlife Fund sued the World Wrestling Federation for the rights to the acronym WWF. Environmentalism FROM THE TOP ROPE!:
2. Oh, Louisiana. I am as permeable to your creole charms as your levees are to sea level rise from global warming. If 40 Year-Old Virgin was set in the Bayou:
3. Interesting fact: Darth Vader thinks the health care bill should cover telepathic choking. THAT COMMUNIST!:
That's what she said! AMIRITE? Wait, what's going on? PANDA LIGHT SABER DISTRACTION:
4. Evolution is clearly a myth. How do I know this? Monkeys throw their feces. I mean, what humans do that? Glenn Beck talking out of his ass doesn't count. Oh, he throws his feces, too? Well, I'm sure said poop does not stink because, like all Republicans, he sustains himself on the tears of the innocent. The tears have electrolytes! IT'S WHAT EGOMANIACAL DOUCHEBAGS CRAVE! (obscure movie reference)
5. Whenever I watch football games, I stare at the sidelines. The jiggling and gyrating is awe-inspiring. Sometimes, they will even do a sexy dance. No, I am not talking about the cheerleaders; I am talking about the lineman. Professional athletes with 35% bodyfat? Yes, please:
Surprisingly, unlike celestial bodies with that much mass, light can escape from his orbit. Sadly, babies cannot.
6. Last, and most certainly least, it is time for blasphemy. "Ray, if someone asks if you're a God......you say YES!":
Ayn Rand thinks that is harsh.
Sunday: AM-4 mile warm up, 6x800 hard, 3 mile cool down
PM-4 miles super easy
Monday: 11 miles easy