|R. Kelly's "Piss on You" Music Videos|
Finally back to consistent training this week, and I was able to get to Central Park in nice weather for a speed workout to kick off April! Central Park was shimmering in the sunlight, and it was an amazing experience. I care about a few things---beauty in everyday life, helping others, and pushing myself physically are some of the more prominent----and I would do almost anything for someone/something I care about. Because today's speed workout fell into the third category listed above, it stands to reason that I would go to great lengths to avoid delaying the exercise. Now remember, it was warm today and I was soaked with sweat after the 5 mile warm-up tempo (5:40 pace). As I was sidling up for my first mile repetition, I felt the need.....the need for pee. This was urgent---I had three options:
1. Run to the nearest bathroom, ruining the recovery period before the repetition, and in the process disrespecting my father. When I was just a young urinator, Papa Roche would sit me on his knee, put on his reading glasses, and tell me to listen up, "Son, when you have to pee, the world is your bathroom."
2. Run to the nearest tree, risking a public urination charge due to exposing myself in front of a particularly prudish squirrel.
3. Piss myself.
Of course, I wouldn't be telling this story if the answer wasn't three. While that may be construed as disgusting, it is important to remember that it was pouring rain and I was soaked anyway. Also, pee is sterile. And tasty. Tim Tebow just pisses in some plastic and they call it "Lemon Gatorade".
The other thing that you need to know is that I just did it because I care. As I said above, I care about athletics, but I also care about changing the world. I care about others too. As I showed today, I will go to great lengths for someone/something I care about. In other words, my new pick-up line:
"Girl, I would piss myself for you."
Damn, that is deep. Feel free to use it as wedding vowels, or possibly a bumper sticker. While making R. Kelly proud is a pleasant byproduct of my newest and most innovative public urination technique, this is just a small part of my pissing resume. When there is less sweat to blur the pee stains of decency, we must be more discreet. Near a car or other edifice that is slightly concealed, go to one knee and feign shoe-tieing/tire-checking. No one will look twice as a pool forms beneath you. Note: NEVER PEE UP A SLOPE! Disclaimer: Do not attempt if female.
So there you have it, folks. Do April showers bring May flowers? I'm not sure, but after today's workout, I GOT THE FIRST PART COVERED.
5 mile tempo warm-up, 3x1 mile with 1 mile recovery jogs, 4 mile fast cool down