Bone Dreamcrusher's Prospect Park Spring Duathlon Pre-Race Report

Hey guys! As you know, Bone Dreamcrusher is the resident overcompensating asshole in these here parts, and also the race-day alter ego of your humble author. Because he cannot type race reports (those days have five times the page views, and I don't want strangers thinking I am a horrible person that endorses douche-baggery), I sometimes let him loose the morning before the big day to blow off some steam. As always, the following points are the ramblings of a cocky piece of crap:

1. On a pleasant spring day, Prospect Park doubles as a dog haven, where owners let their German Shepherds off the leash (not their black labs though---even dog gentrification lowers property values). As a result, the run doubles as a hurdles competition (or a kicking competition if the dog is a Chihuahua). Where others would see an annoyance, the Bone sees a development opportunity. Unsupervised pooches? This is the perfect place for my new chain of super stores---Michael Vick's Asian Kitchen. MVAC, where the General Tsao's chicken will be your stomach's best friend™.


2. The bike involves more swerving than a borrowed El Camaro leaving Senior Prom. The course is only 14 miles, but packed with tourists and unsuspecting pets (also the ingredients in the Jeffrey Dahmer Chicken Chow Mein at MVAC). It is a relatively flat course with one gentle hill and some crosswinds. As a result, Prospect Park is a display of power over grace with very little spectator value----kind of like a bench press competition, or the WNBA. Last November, David had a flat tire and rode that shit to transition. I'm not saying that is the most bad-ass thing that has ever occurred, but he makes Captain Sully look like an asshole. A Flock of Seagulls? Unless that is the eighties band getting filleted by the propeller, Mr. Roche would have flown that plane to LAX.


3. One thing about Dave is that he's kind of a coward. I mean, he can't really get angry, and his idea of a racy joke is to make fun of Glenn Beck's political views. His political views? That is SO RISQUE. How about his viewers!? Glenn Beck: The only cable news show for reincarnated slaveowners for whom the Washington Monument doubles as an IQ test grade report.


Anyway, Bone Dreamcrusher is racing tomorrow, so no need to worry about the blog's author getting in the way of a five minute victory margin. As a side note, "Beauty And Change"? Great blog name Dave, were you a figure skating fashion designer growing up?

Okay, that's it for Bone. To be 100% serious, I am very excited about racing tomorrow, and I look forward to meeting those of you that have contacted me and will be at the race. It really is a terrific venue, and the weather will be even better! I always view races as celebrations rather than tests (hence the stupid fun of Bone Dreamcrusher), and tomorrow is a perfect day for a party. Hope you have a terrific Friday!