Booty and Change

Executive Summary:
We came. We saw. We conquered. Which is a much better order than seeing, conquering, and coming, because the horse did nothing to deserve that type of treatment.

Always in our hearts and/or crafts.

Pre-School:
We were told that law school has been called two things. "Soul-murdering" is one. "Dream-destroying" is another. The third is "groin-chafing," but you probably didn't write that on the test. What, you thought they meant "two things" when they said "two things"? You would.......you would. Your children would be lucky to get into Cornell. A SAFETY SCHOOL.

So with those expectations, we began class. We learned about the Socratic Method, whereby professors employ the ancient philosopher's method of making everyone in the room feel uncomfortable. Just so the professors know, when we answer "yes", and you say "What is another possible response?", the correct answer immediately becomes "You deserve an experimental colonoscopy via pineapple." At least Socrates had the common courtesy to make sweet, sweet love to his pupils. YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME.

You can call me Lobster Dog. Or David. But I'd prefer lobster dog.

School:
But, after some initial hurdles, followed by the subsequent faceplants and the ensuing botched cosmetic surgery, we looked into the mirror and came to accept the disfigured man-beast staring back at us. Can we do this? YES WE CAN. Will we survive? YES WE WILL. What is this rash? MOST LIKELY HERPES. We found that law is pretty easy, that the teachers are nice, and that it only takes 6 Four Loko's to think like Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia. The gays do have an agenda! (takes another swig) And shouldn't it be Constitutional Law for women to dress in white so we don't get them confused with other kitchen appliances?

In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court decided it is okay to laugh at this picture.

Suddenly, finals began to loom. The fun and games came to an end. We only had a month to study for three tests which would determine whether anyone ever loves us for a reason other than that thing we do with the dog for 10 dollars extra. But the tests were pretty good too! Everyone did awesome! And the realization that strict grade curving means that the future would be brighter if your friend had an "accident" only led us to "contemplate" the building of a dungeon. Even if we built the dungeon, we would have provided copious amounts of lotion to put on their skin, and as a reward they would not get the hose again. TRUE FRIENDSHIP.

And now it's Christmas time. We can watch It's A Wonderful Life, and cry joyfully if we are Democrats, or condemn the Commie bastards if we are Republicans. Most of all, we can look back on the last few months, a few months when everything seemed to change, and realize how much things stayed the same. Even now, learning the law is not what we'll remember, but we will never forget the beauty of meeting new, lifelong friends. That in-class failure, or success, becomes a hazy dream, while sledding in the first snow will always be a clear recollection. And I guess that's the takeaway. No matter where this road takes us, the trip is what we'll remember. This is so much fun. It really is a wonderful life.