1st overall in 25:38. At the start line, the race director asked who would finish first, and a runner to my right raised his hand. First of all, dude, I wasn't wearing a shirt, which either means I think I am fast or I'm doing an active study break for the indecent exposure statutes of Criminal Law. Second, don't think I will hesitate to use these nipples for evil. At this temperature, I could cut you just by deciding to turn sideways.
|Artist's depiction. I am erotically patriotic.|
Thanksgiving break...you know what that means! Passive aggression mixed with the unique awkwardness of forgetting a family member's name. "Hey girl," you say sexily, "I give thanks for those jeans." (/winks)
"Hi David. I'm your second cousin."
"Ummmm....I meant those genes. What did you think I meant?
/turns on football game
True fact: extended family is the only reason anyone ever watches the Lions. It's like a game of peak-a-boo with a super ugly partner and 364 days of not peeking. Anyway, traveled to Philadelphia with Nose Hair the Magnificent (my dad). The "special person" from the previous post was there, and surprisingly she is not the type of "special" that runs into mirrors inadvertently and/or watches Fox News unironically.
|Like the media, reality has a well-known liberal bias.|
I ran with the cocky guy for the first 800 meters. He was wearing arm warmers---from the plethora of forearm garments among the racers I have come to the conclusion that it is Elbow Hypothermia Awareness Month. Feeling great, I looked around and decided it was time to go. After getting a nice lead, a cylist appeared. "You're Dave Roche?" "Yeah!" "I can tell from your shirt." Oh, good burn cyclist...good burn. Apparently my humps and/or my lovely lady lumps have a following.
(the cyclist is Matt Hayes, who was/is awesome)
Bounding into the lead, I hit the halfway with a solid gap. Energized by the beauty of the moment, I started the second half. I try to control my thoughts when running solo--today, I mixed "Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show with thoughts of Megan, because I want any blog readers with musical taste or masculine sensibilities to cringe in disgust. Hey guys, WHO WANTS SOME POMEGRANATE FRO-YO FOR THE TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT???
Matt was amazing as a lead bike (seriously, I give thanks for people as selfless and kind as him). He cleared the course like Ronald Reagan parting the Red Sea. Don't check my math, or you will ruin the trickle-down Conservative narrative. I mean, the narrative is full of pictures of yachts that pop-up ALL BY THEMSELVES.
|John Hinkley was really fooled by the sweet moose impression.|