1st overall in 24:25. They told me it was a course record, though I have been eating lots of Luna Bars and applying lots of Secret, so perhaps I should have asked whether they thought I sat down to pee. (Answer: Yes, because urinal cakes leave my backside feeling fresh). It is such an honor to have that distinction at a pretty well-known Philadelphia race! After getting the winner's turkey, I took a nibble of my Luna Bar and lactated in the air in celebration.
 |
| Women's nutrition bars turn my nipples into AK-47s. |
Pre-Race:
I am going for two degrees in grad school (Environmental Science and Law), because that puts me 1/49th of the way to my favorite 90s band. A side effect of the Nick Lachey poster hanging above my bed is that I take a bunch of credits compared to some other people. Other people include Rick Perry and Snooki, along with many grad students. Those credits entail a good number of assignments. Like 8. I think 8 is a really good number. So my writing time is usually spent analyzing case law, or, like, thinking about the environment, man.
In conclusion:
90s pop music + Snooki + Rick Perry + Numbers and stuff = Less blog writing. Also, that is the first time Snooki and Rick Perry have been that close to a math problem. BURN! Like Snooki's skin and Rick Perry's state!
/bludgeons self with keyboard
 |
| Scientific Fact: Galileo discovered that Rick Perry's smile causes global warming. |
Anyway, things have been awesome, and the few responsibilities of student life are a blast. Well, except for basic hygiene. I am a soap minimalist, like the cavemen. Speaking of rapidly spreading virulent bacteria, I passed the time driving home for Thanksgiving listening to Rush Limbaugh. Just so you know, global warming is a hoax, green energy is for pansies, and Herman Cain is one of the good ones.
 |
| One of the bad ones. You're in America, pizza man, and we will call you Daddy John. |
Seeing my amazing family is always so great. After a Scrabble game where my number of points only exceeded my number of brain cells, Dad and I went to sleep in the same bed for the first time since I was a little kid. It was awesome, except for the fact that, with my eyes closed, my sensitivity to smell and sound was strengthened. It was like sleeping with a leaf blower that continually fans dysenteric horse manure. By treaty, Hans Blix is required to inspect his dutch ovens.
Waking up on Thanksgiving morning, we traveled to Philly for the 29th annual Fairmount Park 5-Mile. Fairmount attracts a crowd, which included my cousin and uncle! It was so inspiring to see them, and I actually felt a bit nervous warming up. After relieving those nerves in the bushes, the racers lined up, aiming towards the beautiful sunrise.
Thinking of family and friends, it was a truly spiritual, warm-and-fuzzy experience. I owe my family the world. My friends are some of the best people in the world. And thinking of the perfect adventure girl I was going to see over a mound of turkey and stuffing that evening, knowing that I found the absolute best of both worlds in one person....well, it was impossible to suppress a smile.
 |
| Our I-95 rest-stop guide from yesterday's post-Thanksgiving commute: punch in route to Google Maps, zoom out, look for green spots. |
Try to aim your disgusted vomit away from the keyboard! I think that voids the warranty. Anyway, took off the shirt (promulgating even more vomit), toed the line, and peed myself, just a little. Maybe that explains the warm and fuzzy feeling I was talking about.
AND THEY'RE OFF! /pee splatters
 |
| Mhhhhmmmmm.....breasts. |
Race:
After a frustrating race last Saturday (losing to newly-minted 14:17 road 5k-er Alex Varner), it felt so amazing to get out there and open up the legs on a day I felt great. 2 awesome-looking runners started with me, but the footsteps faded as I began a bit too fast. Out of courtesy, I should probably let other racers know that I have no conception of pace. That was reinforced as the digital mile-sign passed in 4:36, and we turned to have the sun at our backs.
Having the morning sun on my rear is great for a few reasons: (1) less brightness right in my eyes, and (2) that area probably needs to be disinfected. However, it is very bad when the sun displays my shadow in full contrast on the road. It looked like a person just beginning to fall down the stairs, or a plaster cast from Pompeii.
 |
| Kindred spirits. |
Trying to catch that monstrosity in front of me on the road, I passed halfway (2-loop course) in 12:04. It felt super effortless, with only a bit of soreness in my calves and butt. I continued to lean forward, trying to stay smooth while cutting through the morning mist. It meant so much to have my brother Jesse at the race--I think part of the reason it felt so effortless was because I could hear his cheers. Also, it really made the start faster because getting away from his face is very motivating. Running-away-from-zombie speed.
Slaloming through some of the racers with a mile to go, everything felt perfect. After making a sharp left turn through some mud (though it was a two-loop course, so that might not have been mud), the finish line was in sight. High knees, pump arms, think about turkey, why is the sky blue?, oooh look a penny! SQUIRREL!
/darts off in wrong direction
I am very easily distracted. Anyway, was just over a minute ahead of my time from last year, but what was really awesome was getting to go give Jesse a sweaty hug. Well, a sweaty one-hand bro-hug, which says, "Yeah, I'm hugging you. But with the other hand, I insist on slapping the crap out of you."
Thanks so much, for everything :) A friend passed away too young the other week, and thinking back to his awesomeness gives perspective on what is really important. You guys are so great, and I hope your Thanksgiving was perfect in every way.
