St. Patty's Run Green 8k Race Report

Executive Summary:
1st overall out of 2800 runners in 25:30. At the start line, a race official told the group at the front that the course was 5.12 miles due to a detour around road construction. The sound of a few hundred people audibly sighing in resignation is pretty disconcerting. I imagine that sound does not occur too often. Well, at least until next November 6th, in balloting locations with a few hundred Republicans. Romney/Rubio 201uuuhhhhhhhhhhgherghzzzzzzzzzzz.

First it was Salt-and-Pepper, now it is Just for Men: Handsomely Distinguished. FLIP FLOPPER!

Pre-Race:
North Carolina was beautiful this past week, with a bunch of itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot spandex days. On Monday, I didn't even have to wear tights for a 6:30 AM run! Which is good, because tights are pretty much just leg condoms, and Rush Limbaugh wouldn't stop saying that my knees were sluts.

This picture actually acts as contraception.

Anyway, things are going great, with a bunch of midterms in the books and a bunch of miles on the trails. With Spring Break here, Meg (fresh off running a 1:17 half-marathon at Myrtle Beach with the flu and a 102 degree fever!) and I drove down to Raleigh for their really big, really calendar-challenged St. Patrick's Day celebration. They may be 2 weeks early, but I like to think they are 50 weeks late.

The pre-race scene was a mad house, with a few thousand people milling about in kilts. Unfortunately, most were dudes, so the mirror on top of my racing flats just really made me crave tea. We got there late, so I did a 5-minute warm-up, some strides, and peed on a government building. Which one? Lets just say that "keep your enemies closer" isn't great advice for the Division of Waste Management.

My favorite joke when environmental interviewers ask:

"So three baby seals walk into a club..."

(/stare at them intently)

Race:
We started up a slight incline, and I decided to take it out easy. 8:15 3k'er Paul Springer pulled up next to me, and asked what time I planned to run. In the ultimate dick move, I told him I ran a 24:25 5-miler recently. While true, I was not planning on running anywhere near that on the hilly downtown Raleigh course, but I think the psychology of that statement made him unresponsive when I surged up the first hill. You've been dicked! Wait...no. OHGOSHNO!!!! /deletes furiously

The race had a couple hundred feet of elevation gain, which also means it had a couple hundred feet of elevation loss. And the last sentence means I was taught subtraction as a child. Thanks Mom! I tried to bound up the climbs, and fall down the descents. At times the downhills made me look like I was chasing the rolling cheese.



I was out of sight around mile 1.5 based on spectator cheers, so I really tried to push the pace until the big uphill at mile 4. The police escort was so cool! It was like the show Cops, but in reverse. Me and my copper pal reached mile 4 in 19:42, before the long grind to the finish. The course doubled back on itself, and some of the other racers had such amazing comments, and it really made me feel fortunate. Especially the guy who yelled to the cop, "I think he is going the wrong way!"

I am a dork.

About a quarter mile from the finish line, I could see Megan jumping up and down in the distance. It was super motivating, and I crossed the line in 25:30 for a two-minute win. But mostly I crossed the line for a sweaty hug. That is a pretty kick-ass prize purse.

Thanks so much for reading, and for everything else! A special thanks to the race director, and to the spectators--it was really cool to have so much support. And congrats to the Umstead Marathon runners! You guys are awesome :)