Green Hope 5k Race Report

Executive Summary:
1st overall in 15:23ish. It was extremely windy in North Carolina this morning, which was awesome when I was going in the general direction of Oz. When I wanted to go back towards Kansas, however, it was all I could do to tap my heels together and hope for the best. Unfortunately, I have never seen Wizard of Oz, and tapping my heels together was just the product of a disturbingly uncoordinated running form.

Completely relevant and necessary.

Pre-Race:
As many of my friends know, being imaginary doesn't mean you don't have feelings. Wait...no. Ummm...as many of my friends know, I have been MIA recently, especially if they have tried to contact me. To be honest, I have been kind of a bad friend over the last few weeks, and I need to work on that moving forward. My excuse is busyness, or business, depending on your feelings about whether there is an "i" in team.

That made no sense, but I am writing stream of consciousness. BANANA PANCAKES! Post-race recovery food or Jack Johnson song? Dorothy never tells.

If these had a swoosh on them, they would be in Alex Varner's closet.*

*(Inside joke about an awesome friend who runs a 14:17 5k and has a bit of a running shoe fetish)**

**(explaining jokes is always a good idea)

Anyway, there have been some great, humbling developments over the last few weeks. Earlier this month, I was elected Editor-in-Chief of the Duke Environmental Law and Policy Forum (Duke's Environmental Law Journal). I am taking the reins from some amazing people, and it is unbelievable humbling to hear the names of some of the EICs that came before me. Hopefully we can really make a difference over the next year! Or at least not run the train into the ground. Legal writing style tip #1: Mixing metaphors are good, because they keep the reader on his/her/their/gerund's toes.

Today's race was run on a whim, with an impromptu rest day yesterday after a great training week. Did I ride Amtrak every day, build a kick-ass model train set, or have some good runs? I don't know, I AM BUSY AND THERE IS NO TIME FOR DETAILS.

It was a local, certified 5k, and I was hoping to go out fast and see what happened. What happened? Did it happen? IS IT CURRENTLY HAPPENING?! Turn the page to find out...

In certain parts of West Virginia, this is softcore pornography.

Race:
It started up a short climb, which was an added section from the course map on the USATF website. That being said, the Garmin of the second place finisher said it was 3.17 miles, which sounds about right for a certified course. Anyway, after a quick acceleration into the wind, we turned for a long stretch with a cross-wind. Luckily for the guys behind, this means they were not downwind. When we turned into the wind, the smell of my racing flats would clear their sinuses.

I went through the mile in 4:41, before hanging a U-turn and being stopped cold by the wind. I was consoled by catching the lead bike for a second, which had trouble getting up to speed after the turnaround. He was awesome, and said something super nice, and I grunted in response. Fortunately, he understood the situation, and did not assume the skinny zombie wanted his brains. I mean, ewwww, soo much saturated fat.

Corgi interjections will be a big part of the Environmental Journal.

Slowed a ton over the 1/3 mile into the wind, and finally reached some protection around 1.75. The rest of the race was trying to make up lost time with the wind, and gritting through the teeth of the breeze when we made small turns. It finished with a lap on the track, where awesomely it felt like the wind kept shifting to my back, and I crossed somewhere around 15:23 (that is what I was told by the spectators) (spectators is code for "people who were dragged there by their lycra-clad significant other and/or Federal tax-code dependent"). Did some 400s a half hour after the race to capture the magic of the perpetual tailwind track, then called it a day with 7 gallons of hot chocolate. If this whole law thing works out, I am investing in a 2-person hot chocolate tub for post-race recovery.

Thanks so much for reading, and for everything else. Sorry if this is random and/or annoying and/or LINSANE. A special thanks to all the amazing people who stuck with me the last few weeks, even if you didn't hear from me. You guys are awesome!

Uwharrie Mountain Run 20-Mile Race Report

Long story short: 
If I were a salmon, I would probably spawn in a latrine. An outdoor latrine without plumbing. I am creative with directional ineptitude.

Warning: I probably taste like asparagus pee smells.

Short Story Longer:
Basically, took the Uwharrie 20-Miler (1st race in 2012 La Sportiva Mountain Cup) out pretty quickly, deciding to let the cards fall where they may. The card house quickly crumbled as I made a minor off-course detour in the first mile. But just as this city was built on rock and roll (Ed. clarification: roooooOOOOOLLLL), my Uwharrie card house was built on rocks and rolls, so I got back on track, bounded over some boulders, and fell a few times on my way to a 5ish minute lead, ahead of Ryan Woods and Patrick Reaves.

The 8-mile finish line passed in 53:48 (would have been a course record in that race, in the same way that I would be really sick right now if the post-race hot chocolate was actually runny poop). I really felt great going hard on the super technical trails--I feel as if a lot of things came together in those first 13 miles. Joy and suffering. Peanut butter and jelly. Ebony and Ivory. Etcetera and stop this rhetorical gimmick before I punch you in the freaking face.

This was especially frustrating because it fell on the same week when those "Free Boob Inspector" beach shirts gained, then lost, political relevance.

Medium story Mediumest:
So I'm running along, with a nice lead built up, when I suddenly wind up on a fire road. Then start seeing hunting signs. Then keep running, because my mom never denied having an extremely unreliable baby-grip. By the time I turned around and retraced my steps, somewhere between 4 minutes and an eternity had passed. Fortunately, the amazing runner Ryan Woods and the awesome^(handsome x athletic) Patrick Reaves came up on me just as I found the trail.

After, Ryan said he got varying time splits from 4:30 to 8 min, though the upper end of that spectrum is probably by spectators who are blog readers and are looking out for their homeboy. I tried to hang, but I was a pansy, and backed off after attempting one hard surge off the front. I proceeded to jalk/wog in to the finish, trying to save my legs for another day. Of course, my legs invested heavily in Freddie Mac in those first 13, so those savings currently look like a hot chocolate cup filled with poo.

Anyway, Ryan won and Patrick was second, both having awesome races. In fact, even with that lead, I am almost positive Ryan would have crushed my dreams on the final long climb. He looked great, and I could feel the fatigue creeping into my loins. Which, Fatigue, is a greatly appreciated place to creep. Just be more gentle next time.

First Google Image result for "loins". Probably for the best.

All in all, a super fun race put on by super fun/great people with a super fun amount of post-race lukewarm chocolate. Next up, training for an attempt (I should probably add emphasis to that word) at a 4-min mile (or whatever the Communists say the 1500 equivalent is). You make a right turn on the second and fourth laps, right?

P.S. You guys are awesome. Shannon and Karen made my freaking life out there on the course, with the absolute best cheers I have ever heard. Guys, if your 40-mile times were equivalent to your amazingness, you would run negative one gagillion minutes. 


P.P.S. I don't mean that you are really bad, negative people, just that negative one gagillion is an amazing time. 


P.P.P.S. Getting off-trail was totally my fault, and the race directors did an incredible job putting on such an epic event.