Saturday, February 16, 2013

Sponsored Puppy Job

Without the proper punctuation (which would be multiple exclamation points between each word), that title appears to be a really awesome vocation. Or a horribly depraved sex act. I blame the internet for both possibilities.


I will start by addressing the 800 pound gorilla in the room. Mr. Gorilla, what is your zip code again? Haha, I am sure you missed that type of subtle irony. It would have been even better if I didn't translate the question from his Gorilla language. Proper meaning in Gorilla is all about the spin you put on the poop when you throw it. That is also how the House of Representatives communicates.

My guess is that his poop packs a punch, as his diet consists solely of carrots.

Two paragraphs in, and there have already been references to poop and politics. It's like I never stopped blogging for FOUR FREAKING MONTHS. Man, that is a fail. It all started when I was given legal council (or is it counsel? cou$il if they work at a big firm?) to have the blog go dormant while I was being considered for some honors positions within government agencies. In one of those interviews, I used the phrase "seeing the sausage get made." TWICE. I did not get that job. So yeah, probably not the blog's fault on that one.

Anyway, on the racing front I DNF'd the US Trail Marathon Championships in November. My running style (prancing delicately like a newborn gazelle on uphills and crashing snortily like a sexually frustrated boar on the downhills) was not suited to the terrain in Moab, Utah, and my ankles learned that the hard way. On Thanksgiving, I won a turkey at a 5-mile race, then won the Run at the Rock Trail 14-Miler in December in 1:19:04 (course record!). Which will be my last shirtless race for a while because..........

Building the suspense...

I signed with inov-8! Inov-8 is an amazing running shoe company that is starting to take over trail running in the U.S., and I am so honored to represent them. I want you guys to know that, unlike all of those other sponsored athletes, I'll always be honest about inov-8 products. I mean, we all know that a pair of Trail Roc 245s will make you irresistable to the gender/species of your choosing, but initial lab reports are only strongly suggestive of a causal connection between wearing Road-X 233s and spontaneously gaining the powers of every superhero in the Justice League. The hold-up in on Aquaman's whole "being able to talk to fish" thing. Inov-8 generally only supports the cool, non-schizophrenic superpowers.

Mardi-Gras cat gave me permission to celebrate!

Seriously though, inov-8 is an incredible company, and I am lucky as hell. The shoes are also very popular among the Crossfit crowd, so to be the best spokesman I can be, I am practicing communicating by typing in all caps for short periods of time. RAWR KETTLEBALL FUNNY PULL-UP.

Anyway, we are targeting some big races this summer, so I'll keep everyone updated! I owe so much to you guys and your support over the years, thank you :)

Yes we can!

In even more cool news, Megan and I are now puppy owners! A month ago, we were driving west to Hanging Rock State Park for a weekend of exploring. In the last little town on the road, a big cardboard sign was being put up on Main Street. “FREE PUPS -->”, it said (how that sign didn’t have an exclamation point, I’ll never know). Neither of us had ever owned a dog, but that sign was too amazing to resist. So we made the turn, and 7 puppies were unattended in the back of a pick-up truck. We waited for 15 minutes, the whole time falling deeper in love with the puppy that came over and licked Megan’s hand. Finally, a man shows up and says, “Yeah, they are beautiful animals…we just had a few too many pups on the farm.” That day, we were given the gift of an awesome puppy. That night, we were given the gift of an awe-inspiring amount of poop on the carpet.

Trail running poop intermission.

Addie the Adventure Puppy is really great, and I have learned a lot from her. For example, did you know that puppies from farms can poop entire strands of angel hair pasta?'re telling me that wasn't pasta? 

//Addie eats vomit 
///"It's the circlllllle, the circle of bile"

Finally, I am incredibly fortunate to have an amazing job for next year. After taking the bar exam this summer, I will start the Public Interest Fellowship at the Environmental Law Institute in DC. It is my dream job out of school, and I hope to make as much of a difference as I can in ELI's world-changing mission. Duke Magazine must have had a particularly slow news cycle, because they wrote an amazing, humbling profile that has even more updates:

I promise to never, ever have a blog be this self-centered ever again. Like, ever. Those of you that are Taylor Swift fans will know that it is almost impossible not to bust out in song after saying that last line. Those of you that are not Taylor Swift fans....haha, we all know that people like that don't exist outside of remote outposts in Siberia. And a massive, freak asteroid almost just hit those people. So basically I am saying that everyone should listen to Taylor Swift because she writes really great music, and can control the cosmos.

The river of time continues to flow. That should probably be a T-Swift lyric.

You guys are so amazing! Thanks for helping me appreciate the sausage as it gets made. Or something like that.


  1. OMG!!!HOLY POOP!!!ERMAHGERD!!!!! You're an Inov-8 athlete! More importantly, I know an Inov-8 athlete! That is awesome! Congrats, Dave!
    Also, as I've made clear on FB already, hurray for the puppy! That little bundle of cuteness and extra cuteness is just...too cute!
    Also, congratulations on the job!
    And, um, congratulations, because, congratulations!!!! AHHHH!

  2. That is so awesome of you Ash! I was really excited because inov-8 is so cool. I mean, they do not capitalize the i. So cool that basic grammatical rules bend at their will.

    Anyway, congratulations to you for being really cool too :) (too is a reference to inov-8, and definitely not to me. I just walked directly into a door at the law school. Apparently we need to swipe cards on the weekend. Maybe I am betraying how often I am here on the weekends...)

  3. Yay, the blog is back! My god, how I've missed the snark. Congrats on the super sponsorhip. Now, go forth and Innov-8 awesomeness!

  4. Scott! Thanks a ton, that is great of you. What sound does a hipster puppy make? Snark Snark. Did you miss that? Don't answer that question :)

  5. I had no idea being a sponsored athlete meant you can't run shirtless. Otherwise I would have trash talked every company in hopes of you remaining unaffiliated. And unclothed.

  6. congrats Dave.... oddly enough (very odd since well, yeah, we've never met) I had a dream last night I was racing a trail race somewhere on a road (?) and u showed up to race (the guy was shirtless, I knew it was u) and I was all excited for u cause I knew u would win the chocolate bar (no prize $ or medals in my dreams)... all this to say I woke thinking 'I must go online to see what DR is up to, it's been a while since I had a good laugh...' and here u r with awesome news!!! Innov-8 obviously a smart company, I'll check them out. :)
    good luck with the puppy!

  7. These pecs brought to you by Inov-8? no? no? Deez nuts brought to you by Emerald? no? congrats on so much success and welcome back to the blog!!!

  8. Brendan, that was actually just the unaffiliated jersey. I was unaffiliated on the bottom before, then the world saw and I got tons of sponsorship offers from people who all seemed to be actively pulling an Oedipus on their eyeballs.

  9. Jules, that is amazing of you! My diet is about 60% chocolate, so that story makes sense :) That is such funny timing--I haven't posted for 4 months and then that dream. There must have been a disturbance in the force :) You're awesome!

  10. Dylan, you are the man. There is actually a widely used product in the cycling world (anti-chafing cream) called DZ Nuts (from cycling superstar Dave Zabriskie).

  11. What wonderful gifts all around! I am soooo happy for you on all fronts. When can I meet that pup?

    1. Really, the only gift I was referring to was the puppy. The other two things you worked really hard for and are so well deserved. Sorry. Puppies cloud my ability to clearly communicate.

  12. You are right Shannon, Addie is such a gift! I need you to meet her so I can get puppy tips. Right now, her biggest problem seems to be that she loves everybody/everything/every inaninamte object just a bit too much. She almost asphyxiates herself on the leash sometimes. You're awesome! Love all of your recent pics...AMAZING stuff.

  13. as long as inov8 shoes have a runner of your caliber on the team and come in a color scheme called "high-fiber brown," i'm buyin'em. as long as the ozone layer has legal defense of your caliber, i'm forgoing sunscreen on my babymaker when it's beach time. thanks for changing my life!

  14. Congrats on the ELI gig! Have you run into Scott Schang there? Good guy. Hope to share some more miles, this time in D.C., soon.

  15. Pat, you're my hero. If I could write half as well as you, I would go straight Hemingway/Kerouac on life and drive across the country writing a novel. I would also need a typewriter. And to be sponsored by a scotch company. You are awesome!

  16. Hi Jim! Thanks so much for the congrats, from someone with your insights into the field, that means an especially huge amount (I promise I write slightly better when in an academic setting. Emphasis on slightly). I have not met Scott! Do you know him from your work? Thanks again :)

  17. Scott and I both serve on the Board of the Institute for Conservation Leadership. I'm sure you'll meet him. Let's connect in D.C. one day. Cheers.

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