Saturday, January 18, 2014

A Timeline

Yesterday, it was abstract. Today, things gets real.

I'll start with the new millennium to spare you of any weirdness I had in the cradle.
Weird little dude who needs a tan says what?

DISCLAIMER: While true, all of this is tongue-in-cheek. I had an awesome time despite (or because of) being a crazy person. 

2000--In sixth grade at age 11, I weighed as much as I do now at under 5 feet tall. I was a cherub that could run, an apple-shaped kid with an oversized lid. So I decided that the most efficient way to lose weight would be to run and not eat after breakfast. I lost 40 pounds over a couple months. I also lost a good chunk of hair. SO IT BEGINS.

2001--I decided endurance running would be fun. I read Runner's World articles that said it would be bad to run over 15 miles a week, so I ran exactly 15 miles every week. In a year, I went from being on of the bigger kids in school to 17th overall at AAU XC nationals. (that race is a who's who of All Americans and burnouts)

2003--You know what's fun? Real sports! So I played football during my freshman year of high school. I put on 20 pounds by eating 200 grams of protein a day, and became the Defensive Player of the Year for the high school JV team and all-conference for varsity baseball. I also may have worn Axe body spray. I am not proud.

2004--Ugh, I feel fat. So I lost 10 pounds and decided I wanted to run again. But football is where all the cool kids are! I compromised by doing a 2-hour nightly (as in, started at 7:30 at night) sprint routine, focusing on explosive drills. On Varsity now, I was all-conference. In the last game of the season, my collarbone decided that skin was a tool of the system, used to oppress osteocytes, and it fought the power by compound fracturing its way out. While my collarbone was broken, I stationary biked for 1:30 a day.

2005--Junior year! Did I mention I liked baseball? Because boy did I! After being all-state my sophomore year, I decided I wanted to be the best. I'll spare you the details. Needless to say, my junior year ended up being disappointing. But our football team went to the state semis after being winless the year before I joined! My newfound 4.4 40-yard dash speed helped.
Yes, that is a Pope John Paul shirt. Into popes before it was cool.

2006--I decided I didn't like baseball anymore and wanted to play football in college. So it was time to gain weight. I ate protein and lifted like a madman, getting up to 195 pounds,running a 4.38 40, and benching 225 12 times. I also started to smell a bit like fish. High protein diets are stupid.

Tomorrow, we pick up with college, where I went to Columbia to play football. How did I get to the point where I was the Duathlon National Champion U-25? Haha, trust me, it gets funnier. 

Running: 18.64 miles on Rock Creek Park single-track. It was an adventure, so it was okay :) You all are amazing!


  1. Replies
    1. Time is relative P, my tomorrow is your yesterday, which is Susan B. Anthony's scufflepoof.